Campaign 2010

Feb 27, 2006

Happy Birthday Jack!

DCCC Press

Feb 27, 2006

Happy Birthday Jack!

The Past Year has Not Been Kind to Jack Abramoff, and With More Trouble Ahead, Here’s to Remembering, With Fondness, a Simpler Time

(Washington, D.C.) – Today, in honor of admitted felon and Republican super-lobbyist Jack Abramoff's upcoming birthday, the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee is reminiscing about last year's Abramoff Birthday Bash. Since this year's event promises to be a much more solemn affair, here is a glimpse at what last year's soiree might have looked like.

1. Tom DeLay was the first to arrive last year and he burst into the room with his trademark grin and give his buddy Jack a hearty handshake and a pat on his arm. DeLay then proceeded to present Abramoff with the official ball cap, badge and trench coat patch for the "Junior Hammers League" – Tom DeLay's fan club. What else do you get the guy who said "Tom DeLay is who all of us want to be when we grow up"? [College Republican National Convention, 7/25/02]

2. Bob Ney was next to arrive, carrying with him a photo album from his trip with Abramoff and DeLay to St. Andrews golf resort in Scotland as a gift for his convicted felon friend. He also brought with him and returned to Abramoff, a tattered and worn copy of Gambling for Dummies and Congressional Travel Made Easy: A Guide Book, which also looked a little worse for wear.

3. Richard Pombo spent most the party looking for the party favors to give out to his family, who were also in attendance. We guess that his bringing his family is just what happens when people get used to accepting junkets and taxpayer-funded RV vacations. Pombo had two gifts for Abramoff. The first was a gift card to ExxonMobil – but after so many billions in tax breaks and giveaways to his favorite industries, Pombo got his hands on a few free gas cards for his closest friends. The second gift was one more year free of congressional investigations. Since Pombo and his Resources Committee continue to refuse to investigate the dirty dealings of Jack Abramoff, another year without an investigation is the gift that keeps on giving… at least for 12 months.

4. Dennis Hastert arrived at Abramoff's birthday party last year with his gift wrapped in an envelope. While no one is really sure what the envelope contained, speculations ranged from requests for Abramoff's magic touch of lobbying to the amount of money that remained on Hastert's then unpaid Signatures bill. One thing we do know, however, is that other attendees spotted "Coach" talking very seriously with Abramoff, probably giving the much needed pep talk and encouragement that Abramoff needed.

5. J.D. Hayworth was happy to make the invite list, though it should not have come as any big surprise considering Hayworth was often invited to use Abramoff's skybox at the Washington, D.C. arena MCI Center for his special interest fundraisers. Since Abramoff always treated Hayworth as one of his most special friends in Congress, for his birthday Hayworth got Abramoff a collection of prickly pear cactus jellies from Arizona. How did he know that just one year later, Abramoff would need something to add a little sweetness to his life?

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