After months of watching him betray their interests as he fully transforms into a stalwart member of the Washington elite, Michigan voters are ready to throw Fred Upton his retirement party.
But rather than calling it quits, Upton has instead decided to push back against the mounting pressure from his voters, blowing past self-imposed deadlines and providing the same canned, robotic non-answers about his pending retirement announcement. Obviously, he is determined to wring every cent he can out of his position for one final term, regardless of the cost to his constituents.
“The banners are in place, the farewell card is signed, a parade is on standby, and voters are ready to throw Upton his retirement party,” said DCCC spokesperson Sarah Guggenheimer. “All that’s left is for him to RSVP yes.”
###